Hoboes: The New Pirate
I know it’s a little late into 07 to be talking about New Year’s resolutions, and I generally don’t even go in for those sorts of things because the only time I seem to remember them is right before the next new year starts to approach. I frantically read Gravity’s Rainbow and Finnegan’s Wake at the same time, then spend quality time with all the friends I hardly see because they live more than 3 blocks of my home (or worse, in the East Bay), then meditate until I’m able to slow my heart beat like a ninja, then I quit drinking (again), then I finish a novel and rewrite a couple stories, and then update the Space Cowboy blog, and then take the clothing I bought but never looked good in to Good Will, then getting my finances in order, and then finally I go on a diet and lose 10 lbs, all in one day. Resolutions are just too much pressure, IMHO, and I decided if I want to make an effort to be a better person, I’ll just do it whenever the fuck I remember to do it, and so far that seems to be working out. Still, I do think there’s room at the end of the year for some small resolutions. One year I decided to figure out what the lyrics to Interpol songs mean – “She can read, she can read, she can read, she’s bad” – WTF? I’m still at a loss. The other sort of resolution I dig is the ones when people agree to ditch some cultural phenomenon that’s been overplayed, like “That’s how I roll”, or wearing big sunglasses and bangs. This year I’d like to suggest we say goodbye to the Pirate. I know everyone loves Jack Sparrow, but the last movie was a sad sibling of the first – a Stephen Baldwin to the first’s Alec Baldwin, if you will. And there’s a good chance the next one could be worse – it could be Daniel. But I’m not going to pull your Pirate without giving you something in return. No, I’m suggesting an exchange. You put down the Pirate, but for 07 you get to pick up the Hobo. How’s that for a trade? The Hobo is the perfect iconic figure to replace the Pirate – like the Pirate he’s a bad dresser, like the Pirate he smells of booze and like the Pirate a Hobo is all about Freedom. But the Hobo finds his Freedom on the land, riding rails with his brother ‘boes, all while hailing the Man with a one-fingered salute from here to Poughkeepsie. Stylistically, the Hobo’s grunge is the natural next step after the Pirate’s new wave. So next time you’re waxing the tips of your moustache and slipping into your skinny, tapered jeans, take a moment to Google images of Chaplin’s tramp, and think how much cooler and more comfy his baggy outfit is…
